In Memory

By now you all have probably heard about the death of a Yale junior--Cameron Dabaghi--in the news or elsewhere. It is nothing less of a tragedy to hear about an untimely death especially from one of our own--a classmate, a colleague, a friend. I personally did not know Cameron; we were both in pistol club together but never had the opportunity to talk because of the sheer number of members. At lunch today Alina told me she had just met him last week after class. She described him as incredibly sociable, talkative and warm--he approached her after a discussion to continue to dialogue. He showed no signs that he was suffering or grappling with issues so large that would result in him taking his own life.

I believe that. I cannot begin to understand what he was going through or what made him decide to commit suicide. And I won't even try because such aimless postulating would dishonor his memory.

I do know though, that often times it is far too common a belief to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. We are all high achieving--otherwise we would not have gotten into Yale in the first place. We've set records, aced the toughest classes our schools had to offer, rebuilt communities and excelled at our respective fields. We know we're capable. When it comes to solving problems it's usually a mentality of dogged determinism--we need to figure it all out by ourselves and will ask for help as a last resort. I know I'm generalizing and this doesn't apply to all students, but I've seen this in my freshmen. My dean would tell me that a student is falling behind in his/her classes or is going through a rough patch. When I'd meet him/her, it would take probing and 10 minutes of small talk before the issue would be brought up (usually by me). I know that were I not privy to such intimate details, I would have never suspected a thing.

If there's one thing we are good at, it is representing ourselves as very capable people.

From the moment we step on campus we're told by the administration that the most successful people are those who utilize the resources, in many cases those who ask for help. Part of my duty as a freshman counselor is to chase after those who don't seek help, those who avoid us and would rather do their own thing. You may retort that these people have their friends to fall back on to provide support but that assumes 2 things: that they are using their friends for support and that their friends are capable enough to help them. Friends may not know of all the resources Yale has to offer--a friend would hardly recommend talking to the dean or the master socially and would follow through with setting up an appointment.

I know for a fact that Yale has more than sufficient resources on campus, from peer counselors (peer liaisons, Walden, Frocos) to more formal institutes like Health services and the residential master + dean. Give me a problem and I could list off at least 3 people you could contact that could help with the problem.

I think the issue is that people aren't using these resources. The fact is nationwide 80% of those with depression don't seek help. Most people (54%) believe it to be a personal problem, one they can solve on their own accord. It then becomes a Herculean task to prove one's personal strength by dealing with inner turmoil without the assistance of others. For others it's a reality they would rather not face--by seeking treatment they are essentially admitting a problem.

So please, if you have a problem, talk to someone. You would be no stronger going about it by yourself than doing it formally with therapy or with trained professionals. Health and happiness are the most important things in the world so why risk it?

Rest In Peace Cameron.

References (all Yale numbers):

For Yale Health Services Counseling please call 203-432-0290 to schedule an appointment or just give them a heads up you're on the way (they allow walk-ins for immediate needs.)

For Sexual Assault please call the SHARE center response line at 203-432-6653. It is run 24/7 and can offer crisis counseling, access to emergency medical care, pregnancy testing, and treatment.

For Health Services Urgent Care please contact 203-432-0123.

For the Yale Police please call 203-432-4400.